he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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