paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I party with great urgency now.
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