so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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