i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
