So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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