When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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