i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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