Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
