The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
