what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
