I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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