Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
