He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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