hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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