She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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