I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
