I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
