Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
