i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
