the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
