Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
