Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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