remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
