i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
