I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
