Why is your signature on my underwear?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
