just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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