if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
