Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
