Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
