party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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