Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
