Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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