how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
