apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
