Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
