no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
