i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
