Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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