i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
