when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
