Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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