I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
