She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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