Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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