Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.

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(253): View more from Washington

want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.

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(904): View more from Florida

They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!

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(512): View more from Texas

I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...

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