Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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