We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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