dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
