did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
