is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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